Trevor: I never have diarrhoea!
Mr Carter: You're lucky!
Trevor: That's my philosophy: never catch anything you can't spell. In case you have to write a note.
Chief Inspector: Here's what I'll do. Ask for volunteers, and I'll look the other way. If it goes tits up, it's all your fault.
Sergeant Hobson: And if it's a success, sir?
Chief Inspector: Then I will claim full credit.
Hobson: Is that entirely fair?
Chief: Of course not. That's why I'm in a big posh office and you're buggering about with frogs and locusts.
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